The Real Reason You’re Struggling with Christmas Depression

Holly jolly parties, eggnog, gingerbread cookies, joyous Christmas carols, and family celebrations.  All signs of the holiday season.  A time of giving, joy, and vitality.  

The happiest time of the year. 

But not for everyone. For some, what should be a time of jubilation is a time of cold, dark despair. Forget about fa-la-la and donning gay apparel.   You’d rather hide from Christmas on the couch in sweats and watch Seinfeld reruns.  You’ve got the holiday blues. 

You’re far from alone. Christmas depression is common. Especially for those already dealing with anxiety and health problems.  If you’ve had a  recent diagnoses of  lung cancer--or if your treatment isn’t going well—you feel like you’re on the island of misfit toys. 

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On top of that, you might feel bad for feeling bad.  Others seem more vital than you. While they're hustling and bustling, you're exhausted, and Christmas planning adds to your stress and sadness. Not to mention how hard this year has been. 

You’re sick of feeling like Scrooge.  You want to enjoy the holidays and kick Christmas depression to the curb. For most people, certain situations trigger the blues. If you can identify them, it’s easier to prevent full-blown depression. 

Your Cousin Eddie

It's not just the Griswold family. We all have one (or more) family members who drive us crazy and trigger bad memories.  Maybe he’s a know-it-all or abuses alcohol. Whatever it is, this person is bad enough to make us want to steer clear of family gatherings.  

Here are steps you can take to deal with cousin Eddie:  

  • Go, but give yourself permission to leave after 15 minutes. You don’t owe anyone an apology for respecting your limits. However, it might not be as bad as you thought, and you can stay and enjoy.

  • Don’t go. Find another avenue to keep you occupied—volunteer to serve Christmas dinner to the homeless. Celebrate with friends or neighbors instead.

  • Confide in a trusted family member and have them steer Eddie away from you.

  • Realize you can only control yourself. The cousin Eddie's of the world are wholly clueless about how their actions affect others. It might feel personal, but it’s probably not. Ignore and move on.

Over the River and Through the Woods

For people who love their family but are far away, the holidays can be heartbreaking. Being lonely can make people isolate themselves, causing a vicious circle of loneliness and depression. You might long for your family, so resist the urge to hunker down alone at home. 

  • Get out every day. Even if it’s just to Starbucks or for a walk in the park. Having small conversations and seeing people will lift your mood.

  • Write a list of five hobbies you’ve always wanted to take up. Pick one. Do it.

  • Visit a new restaurant, store, or museum in your city you’ve never been to. Even if you’re alone and have to social distance. You’ll feel invigorated just being out and about.

  • Volunteer. Helping others is proven to keep you engaged and happy.

  • If you love animals, consider fostering an animal over the holidays. You get some company, and they get to leave the shelter for a short time. You may end up with a new best friend!

  • Take this time to reconnect with old friends. You might find they’re lonely too! Even a brief text just saying “Happy Holidays” feels good.

  • Join an online support group.

Grinchy Life Circumstances

You’re not an ugly, green monster who lives alone on a frigid mountaintop, but your circumstances make you feel you are. On top of COVID restrictions, maybe you’ve recently had bad news or a loss. 

Grief and crummy life circumstances might make you long for happier holidays and traditions of the past—making the present feel even more miserable. 

  • Create new traditions that feel fresh and new. There aren’t any rules for how you should celebrate.

  • Buy cookies and treats for first responders, hospital workers, and the elderly stuck in nursing homes. Seeing their gratitude will automatically make you feel warm inside.

  • Treat yourself to a gift you’ve always secretly wanted—and then enjoy! If money is a problem, find free or inexpensive activities, like window shopping or ice skating.

  • Use this time to plan a fun get-a-way. Even if it's just for a day or two. Looking at the brochures or websites builds optimistic thoughts for the future.

  • Fresh flowers in your home are a proven mood lifter. They not only brighten the room, but they smell like spring and give you something to take care of.

  • Write 10 ideas every night for things you can do tomorrow to make your day productive and happy. Your list can include big ideas like starting a side business or as small as smiling at a stranger.

Ho, Ho, Ho…Health Problems

It's hard to feel the Christmas spirit when you don't feel well physically. Your treatments might make you feel tired, achy, bloated, and all-around crappy. 

  • It's more important than ever to take care of your body by eating healthy and drinking plenty of water. Too much sugar and sodium-laden treats will leave you bloated, foggy, and depressed.

  • BUT don't be overly strict. Having a small treat or glass of wine (if allowed) at a gathering can lighten your spirits.

  • Getting at least eight hours of sleep at night is essential to function properly this time of year. If you’re burning the candle at both ends, you must stop.

  • Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects 1 in 5 adults. Scant amounts of sunlight cause depression and sluggishness. If you notice you feel physically worse and depressed in the fall/winter, talk to your doctor about light therapy and medication that can help.

  • Pace yourself. Make a list of priorities every day and focus on those. Everything else can wait. Be realistic about what you can do.

  • Ask for help! If you're used to doing it all yourself, this might be hard. But allow others the enjoyment of helping you out for a change.

Live Only for Today

The present is all anyone is ever guaranteed. All the time wasted yesterday worrying about today didn't help, did it?  Ruining today by worrying about tomorrow won’t help either. 

So, it's crucial to spend your energy on things you can change. And the only thing you can change is the moment you’re in right now and forward. If you’re in a crisis or feeling anxiety during the holidays, it’s important to remember that you control if you engage in worrisome or depressing thoughts. 

You can choose not to dwell on them by practicing mindfulness and breathing exercises. Let go of the past and quit thinking about the future. Trying to anticipate the future only brings a sense of dread about things you can’t control. 

For some people, meditation and/or prayer works to release harmful thoughts and stressors. Meditation can also quiet your mind so you can appreciate little things like a hot shower, a kiss from your children, a happy greeting from your pet, or the beauty of nature. 

Being mindful of your surroundings will help you relax and feel present in the moment.

When to Get Professional Help

If you are feeling overwhelmed and are having thoughts of death or suicide, immediately contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They can help you get the help you need right now. 

If things aren’t to that degree, but you can’t shake off the blues, reach out to family, friends, or a clergy member for support. Sometimes just saying it out loud to another human can release negative emotions.

And don’t forget to join our ALK+ support group. We’re an active group that knows exactly what you’re going through. We have a member’s map so you can connect with others near you. 

We at ALK-Positive.org wish you a warm and happy holiday season full of hope and joy!

Author: Lori Mang

Kirk Smith